@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like that of a woman waiting for you to reply to her text all the while she sees you're continuing to send tweets.
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@iGreenMonk: I got a dog and named it "Twenty Miles". This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.
@TitansHomer: How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. *drops mic, gets beat by security*