@That_Damn_Duck: Hell hath no fury like woman tagged in a Facebook photo that makes her look fat.
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@TheAverageShark: Swim swim swim breach surface fly through air catch seagull swim nom nom nom swim swim
@justabloodygame: [commercial for Facebook] *man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars* "Don't you wish there were a better way?"
@mikejanson2: 5: Daddy whatcha doin'? Me: Cleaning my shot gun 5:Why? Me: Because one day a boy will like you 5:You mean like Ben? *racks the chamber*
@zachreinert03: Got asked to be godfather of my niece, so if anything happens to her parents then someone else has to take care of her because I said no