@HeidiCF8: Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord.
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@Jenny4ashley: My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like "please untie me" and "just tell me who you are".
@SortaBad: "Click to read this man's secret to incredible 6 pack abs!" *click* article: hard work, diet, & exercise me: I have never felt more betrayed
@anerdonfire2: Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin...no matter how epic it is
@egg_dog: supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’