@HeidiCF8: Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord.
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@LostFelicia: People that use abbreviations like ppl, wyd, hmu, and idk - what do you do with all that time you saved?
@yoyoha: STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life
@NickBossRoss: When people say they want to give a voice to the voiceless I say like a ventriloquist?
@CallousBalzac: [first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight Me: *smiles ambiguously*