@dixie_dupree: Hell is full of ugly babies, tinkerbell tshirts and fat women debating the tastiness of frozen meals.....oh wait. This is just walmart
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@jackiembouvier: I just saw a girl hang half her body out the window of her car to give someone the finger. She is my spirit animal.
@WheelTod: [I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]
@djdarrellripley: Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!