@TheCareBare: Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
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@VeryRudeTweets: I just got kicked out of my local Laser Tag and the police were called. Apparently stabbing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.
@QuiteQuietOne: Thanks to yesterday's chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
@jwomackou: Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron