@HatfieldAnne: “He'll regret that shot till he's screaming on his deathbed.” British golf commentary. It's the reason I'm a fan.
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@karanbirtinna: No you dumb uncultured idiot, just because I’m an Indian doesn’t mean I use a flying carpet to get around. I use an elephant like everyone else.
@thatdutchperson: [runs into friends with baby] Me: OMG WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY. Friends:*picks up baby* wanna hold him? Me:*kneeled next to dog* what?
@McGrumpenstein: Scuba instructor: Sharks can sense blood in a 2 mile radius. *everyone turns to glare at me as I floss for the first time this year* Me: What?