@MiahSaint: Hell yes, I have the body of a Greek god: nice abs, expressionless eyes, genitals shot off by bored soldiers during The Franco-Prussian War
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@Brianhopecomedy: Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
@tastefactory: *spills wine on Ouija board* OUIJA: *moving pointer by itself* H-E-Y S-S-E-X-Y D-Y-O-O-U-W-W-A-N-N-A M-A-K-E O-U-T ME: *moves pointer to NO*
@kumailn: Be great if just once the winning actor was like "I mean it wasn't a particularly strong group this year, but still."
@DaddyJew: Me: so what are you wearing sexy? Collection agency: umm...we'll just call back tomorrow