@Overdue_Bills: Hell yes we can still be friends if you don't drink, I'm not that shallow. You have a driver's license, right??
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@mauleePillar: Someone just sat across from me at a table at Starbucks. They got too close to my food so I bit them.
@LackOfShame: [Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together
@JawnQSack: Marilyn Monroe died & was reincarnated into thousands of white girls who can't be handled at their worst, and aren't deserved at their best.
@TheTweetOfGod: The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church.