@Overdue_Bills: Hell yes we can still be friends if you don't drink, I'm not that shallow. You have a driver's license, right??
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@daemonic3: [in Batmobile] Superman: Hey Batman: Sup? S: Promise you won't be mad? B: [sighs] I asked if you had to go before we left the Batcave!!
@thatUPSdude: Me: This infomercial is so stupid. *10 mins later* Me: So all I have to pay on the 2nd one is the shipping and handling?
@ruinedpicnic: [Friend opens Christmas present] Me: It's a lie detector Friend: Oh... I love it Me: (whispering) we'll see