@GrantTanaka: "Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I'M ASKING THEM"
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@Ivsy01: If u love someone and they don't love u back the first thing you need to do is make them a scrapbook with you both in little wedding outfits
@TheThomason: New Joker looks like he has the Memento disease and needs a bunch of tattoos to remind him he's the Joker.
@fro_vo: [wedding] Priest: repeat after me Groom: after me P: ... [to bride] is he serious Bride: no his name is gary
@rockymomax: ME: [wearing donuts as glasses] did u just call me immature WIFE: yes ME: [removes donuts & tries to clean with shirt] your moms immature