@briangaar: HELLO 911, I NEED TO REPORT A HALO SCORE THAT'S "CRIMINALLY" HIGH LOL!!!! ... yes you can talk to my mom
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@juliussharpe: I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn't stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
@Marshalchisomcu: if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England
@MommaUnfiltered: It's so cold today, I just grabbed the first 2 kids that got off the bus. They look like nice kids, the redhead seems a little feisty.
@DaddyJew: Boss: Read me one of your funny tweets Me: Not right now I'm working Boss: Bahahahaha tell me another one