@OBiiieeee: Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?
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@jonnysun: normal brain: “you’re now unsubscribed from our mailing list” big brain: “please tell us why you’ve unsubscribed” exploding brain: “type in the email address you’d like us to remove from our list” galaxy brain: “please log in and visit your account settings to select which lis
@RobElliottComic: When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON" *Puts on dragon costume *Waits in bushes
@FinallyHeSleeps: Finding $5 you didn't know you had is awesome til you realize you're 34, it's 2011 & $5 won't even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff.