@megfraser: HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished
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@zolofighter: " Wife: there is a man at the door with a mustache. Husband: tell him i've already got one. "
@InternetHippo: OBAMA IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!! ME: OMG *clutches guns* [7 years later] ME (frustratedly checking my watch): This guy is taking forever
@juliussharpe: The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls.