@megfraser: HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished
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@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER:How good are your public speaking skills? ME:*from behind a tall plant in the office, I throw a piece of paper saying 'Decent'*
@Donnie_Fairburn: Women say they like a man in uniform but I've been wearing this naughty nurse outfit all day and not a single woman has approached me yet :(
@MAngelo505: FACT : Half of all missing person reports involve people trying to find their way out of IKEA.
@TurboJellyBean: Her:"my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid" Me:"your car doesn't have blinker fluid." Her:"I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"