@megfraser: HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished
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@EndhooS: *stood on Eiffel tower watching a beautiful sunset* Sara? *Gets down on one knee* *audible gasp* "Yes?" Help my knee is made of magnets
@amydillon: My kid just locked me out of the house in 95 degree weather, but sure, "it goes by so fast."
@TheMichaelRock: Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.