@TheCatWhisprer: Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it's like that now?
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@Parentpains: Name your child autocorrect, because eventually they'll just finish your sentences and correct you every chance they get too.
@lindseyallen: Hate eating nachos with someone at the theater and our fingers touch. Especially if I don't know them, and they don't know we're sharing.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: you can't just deep-fry everything ME: what do you mean? WIFE: I mean put down the cat