@quintywinties: Hello darkness my old friend, I fell and broke the lamp again
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@WildeThingy: Boss "I'm looking for a volunteer." Me *chops off own legs "I can't!" Co-worker "I'm busy, sorry." Me "damn, that's a better excuse."
@INDlAN_: Dad- I want you to have everything in this world that your heart desires. *Can I have oreos?* [NO]
@DaddyJew: Some music just moves you. For example this Taylor Swift song playing on the radio makes me wanna drive off a cliff