@quintywinties: Hello darkness my old friend, I fell and broke the lamp again
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rainerfm: Little did I know the first time I bought a 3-pack of condoms that I was buying a lifetime supply.
@cepheusjackson: [SCIENCE FAIR] ME: It's a Pez dispenser, but for hot Pop-Tarts. PRINCIPAL: This fair is for kids. OTHER PARENT: Shut up, let him finish.
@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.
@MartaEffing: Therapist: Do you project your problems onto others? Me: Don't flip out, but I feel like you're asking me that to make yourself look smart.