@IAmKatieOrr: HELLO? HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED & DROPPED IN A NON-ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY & I DON'T KNOW- wait. Nm. Fell asleep at Szechuan Palace again.
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@PharmerRPh: Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
@heidi420x: if i could choose one super power right now it would be the ability to delete my number from other people's phones.
@KenJennings: You guys, The Hobbit is a straight-up ripoff of my unreleased 3-hour experimental film "Helicopter Shots of People Walking."
@timdonakowski: If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in their recipe.