@IAmKatieOrr: HELLO? HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED & DROPPED IN A NON-ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY & I DON'T KNOW- wait. Nm. Fell asleep at Szechuan Palace again.
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@shawn_spree: I said I wouldn't go drinking in public again, but here I am waiting for my kids to get out of school.
@Prof_Peejay: Me: "You flunked the labs & the midterm. You need 154% in the final to pass." Him: "So there's still a chance?" Me: "Let me ask my unicorn."
@Easy_Tiger__: Guys remember: if you encounter a girl in her natural habitat, don't panic. She's just as scared as you. Make loud noises, she will run off.