@ComedyAndTruth: Hello it's 911, what's your emergency?" "Two boys are fighting over me" What is the problem with it? "The ugly one is winning."
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@notacroc: TIM: how are you? ME: it's Monday TIM: yeah ME: the sun is up TIM: are u just listing facts? ME: lettuce is a member of the sunflower family
@Carter_TCB: Just found out men don't need prostate exams till at least 40. I think my doctor has a lot of explaining to do.
@envydatropic: There's something mentally wrong with people who ask other parents if their baby isn't the cutest baby they've ever seen
@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.