@ComedyAndTruth: Hello it's 911, what's your emergency?" "Two boys are fighting over me" What is the problem with it? "The ugly one is winning."
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@SashaSavoy: And then whiskey said "tweet that, it's hilarious". But whiskey was wrong. So very wrong.
@SteveSuckington: I can't figure out why my son hates me. Tim hates you? No, my other son. I can't remember his name. I just call him "not Tim"
@leslid79: Oh, you solved a murder? I guess that's cool. One time I didn't run over my ex when I saw him crossing the street. I prevented a murder.