@D2BMcG: "Hello, my name's Drew and I'm an addict"
"Sir, this is a cheese counter"
@Ygrene: [Murderer in the middle of murdering me]
Can you put your phone down for 2 seconds while I'm murdering you I mean really
@ItsAndyRyan: Interviewer: Tell me your convictions
Me: Arson, 5 years. I burnt down my office
Interviewer: I mean like 'firm beliefs'
Me: Company loyalty
@TeflonPawn: Obviously the Asian gentleman I saw flush the urinal with a karate kick doesn't mind perpetuating stereotypes.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Me: *eating a Mars bar*
Martian: Good grief where will I obtain alcohol now
@steveolivas: I went through and unfollowed everyone who is better looking than me.
It took a lot longer than I thought it would.