@BuckyIsotope: Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?
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@clowndaddie: One time my friend Brandon’s Dad and his mom were in a heated argument in the car and she took his kid rock cd out of the player and threw it out the window with rage and he looked her dead in the eyes and pulled out a second copy of that same cd and put it back in the player
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] Me: his voice was much deeper than that. He had the chin of a man who had recently lost his watch
@PimpleEye: It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober.
@LuvPug: Nobody ever talks about how effective letting dogs sleep in your bed is for birth control.