@finkelsteino: Hello, police, I have a burglar trapped in my home gym. Please hurry. The longer he's in there the more powerful he'll become.
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@nayele18maybe: Sometimes I say, “Damn you to hell” after someone sneezes, just to mix it up a bit.
@TuffyNyC: It's nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant.
@squirrel74wkgn: [used car lot] Customer: Do you have any mini vans? Me: No, we sell cars...but there is a kid’s shoe store near the mall
@mrjohndarby: me: can I give your dog a pet? him: sure me: *places slightly smaller dog next to his* dog: thanks