@briangaar: HELLO POLICE, MY SON JUST TAUGHT CUT TO A LEGENDARY POKEMON I WANT HIM TRIED AS AN ADULT
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@vineyille: FBI: I can’t unlock my phone Genius: is that a fake mustache over your mustache? FBI into earpiece: Operation Twostache has been compromised
@UnFitz: Tip: "At the same time" has more characters than "simultaneously." The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder.