@FrenulumBreve: "hello pretty lady." [i slide down the bar] "what's your name?" i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.
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@AristotlesNZ: We need a weapon that hits something only hard enough to really annoy it, then turns back around & attacks us! -Inventor of the Boomerang.
@TheJessicaLong: The little girl behind me asked her mom what murder was, confirming my suspicious that Sesame Street doesn't prepare you for the real world.
@InternetHippo: *phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad