@FrenulumBreve: "hello pretty lady." [i slide down the bar] "what's your name?" i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.
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@chuuew: POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: So he had grey hair, medium build, grey eyes, no glasses, a grey suit and grey shoes? DOG: Correct
@BuiltToTopple: "Baby I was wrapping presents for a charity" is both the best and the very very very worst excuse for coming home late covered in glitter.
@RandomAntics: The best revenge is living well, so I really need to know what the second best revenge is.