@DryDickRando: Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@meganamram: Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
@SavoirFail: I don't do drugs. I take drugs. My brain does the drugs. Follow me? Me either -because drugs
@QueefTornado: Watching a birth is beautiful. Not knowing any of the parties in the delivery room & singing Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It" will get you arrested.
@Schmoodles: I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on a mat and drinking a bottle of wine as I shout at my thighs.