@DryDickRando: Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now.
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@CatherineLMK: Hey remember that snarky insult you threw my way three weeks ago? Well now I have comeback so please repeat it.
@Just_Lee_: The neighbor's dog has barked non stop for three hours. And now I know how the Chinese first discovered that dogs make a tasty snack.
@mynameisntdave: GUY: I dare you ME: no G: I double dog dare you ME: no G: I TRIPLE dog dare you! ME: [realizing if I keep this up ill get a lot of dogs] no
@BeCoco77: True Story: A guy at the supermarket walked up to me today and asked me if I was on twitter. I said no. If you're reading this, I lied.