@Fred_Delicious: "Hello this is your captain speaking. I have fallen out of the plane yikes lol. Very impressed with the range on this Bluetooth headset tho"
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@thetigersez: My brother's girlfriend is meeting my family rn & my dad just offered to introduce her to my nana's ashes, this is the best night of my life
@iwearaonesie: *wife walks in* *sees cheese balls everywhere* *shakes head* "what? 8 won't get better at catching food in his mouth if we don't practice"
@WheelTod: For most, bikini season lasts a few short summer months, but I catch enough & store them so efficiently I can eat bikini all year round.
@10InchesPlus: A TV show where customers get to hear what employees said 10 seconds after they left the store.