@peteholmez: "Hello, Time Warner? I need to speak with someone about setting up local Gotham cable in a secret prison. Yes, I'll hold." - Bane
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@iamk1ts: All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn't eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.
@Sickayduh: Lawyer: The defense rests Judge: Counselor, your rebuttal? Lawyer: HAHAHA that sounded like "you're a butthole" Judge: LOLOLOL #Buttle
@StaceyShortcake: The last time I was 100% sure about a decision was in 3rd grade, and that box of 64 crayons with the built in sharpener didn't disappoint.
@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.