@Tommytoughstuff: "Hello welcome to meteorologist school. Please stick your head out of the nearest window and pick your diploma up on your way out."
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@CruisinSoozan: I shaved my legs. Well except for those three knee hairs I always miss. Looking good Larry, Daryl and Daryl.
@kelkulus: The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.
@Mehrwane: Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how? Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker