@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.
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@hazelmotes1: Press Conference: How do you respond to accusations that you over sexualize everything? Me: *slowly takes entire microphone into mouth*
@HousewifeOfHell: [At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?
@DanMentos: [nabisco hq] "Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas" *raises hand* "anyone else?" … … "ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-" Wheat Thicks
@DaHess1: Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Movie theaters that charge kids 3 and under $500 per ticket.