@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.
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@bazecraze: Morpheus: "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and--" Me: "Blue pill."
@GingerAtLaw: No no, I'm not going to pay for these hot wings, I discovered them and you JUST GOT COLUMBUSED
@thejamietighe: *cop pulls me over* Cop:Had a bit to drink tonight? Me:What makes you think I've been drinking? *cop leans over and turns off lawnmower*
@trevso_electric: I got this "breathe" tattoo on my wrist because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder.