@VestaTot: Help 9-1-1! I just found my husband! He's been drugged in his coffee and then stabbed with a pen knife but that didn't work and then shot!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ThaJawn: My dog just ate the last piece of pizza but of course when we were ordering and I asked who wanted some, she didn't say shit
@ThisOneSayz: I gotta say, I've never been in an Uber with red and blue lights! Also, I don't remember calling for one...
@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
@rolldiggity: 1. Invite snowmen into your conference room. 2. Turn up heat. 3. Negotiate on YOUR terms.