@grayson_coble: Help a bro out
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@girl_a_whirl: [Catholic church] *priest hands out "What To Expect At Your Exorcism" Husband: Babe, this isn't counseling Me: You said you'd try anything
@iLightbulb: Me:I need to focus on work Brain: Remember that sweet song on the radio this morning? Me:Yeah that was sweet Brain: Let's sing that instead
@trims_the_fat: I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy. "Making breakfast. ;)" "Walking the dog. ;)" "Broke in to your house ;)"