@GrantTanaka: Helped my son flush his betta fish today. He asked "Dad, does God love bettas?" & I said "Dunno, son, ask him after we flush you."
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@economybacon: "My anger began to flow through me like hot mountain sweat.." Um, don't you mean "Lava"? "...like warm hill pee"
@Karissajem: Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*
@Cheeseboy22: I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is.