@EFFFFFFYOU: Helping my kid memorize a list of cities and accidentally wrote a Pitbull song.
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@Underchilde: I slept like a log, which means my underside was moist and bugs kept crawling up my crack.
@ninjadinosaur1: I dropped my popcicle in the tub. I'm awfully sad. It was banana. Now it just tastes like bubble bath.
@SaraThomas84: I'm convinced that people are now just getting married and having babies to have something to post on FB
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *falls off a ladder* Wife: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU INJURED? Me: *obviously concussed but also bleeding* I'm injured and outjured