@Kyle_Raney: How to open a letter: 1. Carefully remove seal 2. Slide your finger unde--okay the seal is back GET THAT SEAL OUT OF THE ROOM NO SEALS ALLO

@michaeldean0116: 'I like the smell of your meat' may not have been the best greeting to the hot waiter at the BBQ joint I picked for lunch.

@MummaCrazy: 10 just informed me that exercising releases inner-dolphins. If that's not a reason to exercise, then I don't know what is.

@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.

@MdUNH: If you see a white guy in earbuds convulsing angrily with T. Rex arms, don't freak out. I'm just jamming out to Eminem.