@KeetPotato: "i said make him fetch" yeah? "what have you done" he looks pretty fetching to me *dog in shirt & tie* does he have a job interview or somet

@bornmiserable: [if I worked at a mortuary] what would it take to get you into one of our caskets today

@ilikeyouguys: Go to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me w that needle, I run off yelling 'thanks for the free shave loser!'

@ChrisHallbeck: Why do birds Suddenly appear Every time You are near? Just like me You’re secretly Made of bread

@ShutUpThatsWho: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is 'contempt' ME: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: [mocking voice] can you use it in a sentence?