@TheTalkingPipe: Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
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@ShaneKnowsStuff: I don't know about you, but I always watch my garage door go all the way down in case a murderer tries to roll in at the last minute.
@ericsshadow: My doctor told me, "If you don't quit smoking, it doesn't really matter how poorly you eat" and that was the best day of my life.
@meganamram: If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss
@MakesYouGiggle: Me: I just want to sleep! Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE! Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.