@TheTalkingPipe: Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
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@amydillon: Cereal is a satisfying way to start the day if you're having another breakfast within 45 minutes.
@Playing_Dad: Boss: Why do you look so sad? Me: I actually paid a college hundreds of thousands of dollars so I could do this
@Whitnuts: My liver's so black, it went to a respected college, got a great job, and made it's family very proud. Weren't expecting that, huh? Racist.