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@TeejayRush: Her: Do I look fat?
Him: Do I look stupid?...
@DevilryFun: I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I'll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
@madamezooble: Hey! Welcome to Urban Outfitters. Are you a baby-sized woman or a woman-sized man?
@shkeeber: Him: I'm tolerant of the gay lifestyle. A neighbor of mine was gay.
Me: Thanks. I'm tolerant of yours too. A neighbor of mine was an idiot.
@KindOfASmartass: If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven.
So who can teach me how to pick a lock?
@rachaelkelly18: The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today