@saraschaefer1: Her + Gravity = 2001: A Space Odyssey
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@fakegoldegg: toothpaste is a big scam. if ur tooth falls out, it stays out. toothpaste Will Not paste it back in.
@ieatanddrink: Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle
@TheMichaelRock: Me: The bathroom Wife: What? Me: I was about to get off the couch and just wanted to stop you before you asked where I was going.
@TheAlexNevil: Police Sketch Artist: How about now? Me: Look I already told you, the fruit bowl is nice for perspective, but I wasn't mugged by a naked guy