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@saraschaefer1: Her + Gravity = 2001: A Space Odyssey
@samuelhlowe: The best way to return any clothing left at your place is to do a drive-by with a t-shirt gun on her wedding day.
@EliBraden: Opening a Christian gym called 'Jehovah's Fitness'
@SirEviscerate: Your date leans in and whispers "I'm not wearing panties." You shiver. She continues: "I pooped a little and had to throw them away."
@ShoutingGoddess: Twitter: The addiction that talks back.
@mallelis: ovens are insane
"oh thats just my box of invisible fire i heat dead things in"