@goodhairperson: Her hands were garlic breadsticks of action. Her face was a Cesar salad of expression.
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@kentgrossarth: Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can't chug this entire beer, right now.
@bea_ker: Dads, don’t tell your daughters they are “pretty”. Tell them they’re strong. Tell them they’re smart. Tell them they can’t be prosecuted for theft until they’re 10.
@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.