@goodhairperson: Her hands were garlic breadsticks of action. Her face was a Cesar salad of expression.
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@cool_as_heck: OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit
@Kyle_Lippert: "I don't know why I'm always depressed" I think to myself as I stare at the glowing portal in my hand that streams a constant feed of horror
@donni: Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment
@lemonmartinis: 9yr old poured milk on the cat. When I asked why he said "He's thirsty and likes to lick himself." I couldn't argue with that.