@goodhairperson: Her hands were garlic breadsticks of action. Her face was a Cesar salad of expression.
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@chinchillasaur: [graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great
@Dawn_M_: My therapist doesn't believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
@GrantTanaka: if you stand up in a hospital waiting room & loudly announce your name & why you're there, sometimes another person will do it too
@LetMeStart: Me: I couldn't eat another thing. Narrator: Oh, she ate another thing. And then some.