@slimmy_shady: Her: "How is it possible for anyone to be an idiot all the freakin time!" Me: "I know, I'm completely exhausted."
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@pizzaguyjay: How do you know you're allergic to cats if you don't even eat them?
@ElleOhHell: "Pray, love, eat." -- A mantis
@truegritrumble: FRIEND: Did you hear there is some guy on the loose stealing puppies? ME: That's terrible! *my backpack starts barking*
@JohnLyonTweets: I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
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