@TheBoydP: I don’t understand how anyone could be a grave robber. How do you steal a six foot hole?

@Breadery: Relationships are about compromise. I pretend she's not watching a Gossip Girl boxset. She pretends I'm not digging her grave in the garden.

@Yankeegiant72: After I dislodged my head from the drywall, I had 2 thoughts: 1) Wow, this new Metallica song is really good and 2) I may need new drywall

@distracted_monk: I said I was a man with a plan. I said nothing about it being a good plan.

@Twtercide: Relationship status Karate chopping hand holding couples' hands apart at the mall