@Turbo_Jimmy: I sexually identify with the noble panda; I too have difficulty having sex in a cage surrounded by 800 Chinese people

@simoncholland: Think you're smart? Try explaining daylight savings time to a kid.

@Fickle_Filly: I enjoy reading, long walks on the beach, and getting myself into situations where the only way out is to fake my own death.

@SureYouDo1: For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don't get her a bathroom scale. Nope.

@sexorpizza: Me: I feel skinnier today! Scale: Nope.