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@djdarrellripley: Her: I love your eyes.
Me: Thanks, they were a set...
@brichie13: He's an owl with an attitude. She's a hawk who will take him to church. This fall, Sundays become Fundays on ABC's new hit 'Birds of Pray'!
@hello_saylor: Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body.
@realHamOnWry: Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed.
@fridaycandy: I tell people that the secret ingredient
in my cookies is "love" but it's actually "floor" .
@Home_Halfway: Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people