@UnFitz: Her idea of extending an olive branch was to sharpen one end first, then extend it REALLY hard.
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@Reverend_Scott: Carl: "It's chilly out." Me: "Tell me something I don't know." "Two dogs were hanged during the Salem witch trials." "Fair enough, Carl."
@FattMernandez: [On WebMD] I have a sore throat [Throat cancer] I wasn't done, and a stomach ache. [Cancer] Couldn't it be the flu? [If it wasn't cancer]
@preritpathak: *At a clothing store* Worker: Do you need any help sir? Me: *Mixes "No, I'm good" & "No, I'm just looking"* Me:"No, I'm just good looking"