@UnFitz: Her idea of extending an olive branch was to sharpen one end first, then extend it REALLY hard.
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@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Me: ha nice try I: excuse me? M: that's how Lex Luthor beat Superman. I'm not stupid.
@revengeofAA: The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?
@CrazyUncIeJoe: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done.
@mattZillaaaa: I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I've killed a spider with a full bottle of windex