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@ClichedOut: her: i'm breaking up with u
me: we can work this out Linda
her: it's Lydia
@Kennycruzin: When one squirrel says "I like to eat nuts", there is probably always another squirrel who says "that's what she said."
@pancake_puns: did you know the official veterinary term for your cat eating something it shouldn't is "dietary indiscretion" which absolutely sounds like a cat politician trying to downplay its irresponsible past
@DurtMcHurtt: When I die, I want my decaying carcass to be loaded into a giant slingshot and flung into a rich kids bouncy castle.
@Loli_Sug: Hospitals don't like it when you unplug things to charge your phone w/ out asking first
@SamGrittner: JOSEPH AND MARY: We’ll stay in the manger, we don’t care
INN MANAGER: Fine. Just don’t make a scene