@Roxtalled: Her: Make me a burrito, please.
*wraps her in blanket
*pours hot sauce inside
@CutPics: "You're sure that's the right word?"
"Like ,80% sure, yeah."
@24HourBitching: Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
@AlexEllisdon: If I was in charge of SWAT I'd change the name to the "Special Weapons And Grenades" team just so police would have to radio in for SWAG
@Playing_Dad: If a pregnant friend tells you what the kid's name will be just whisper "AND THE DARK LORD'S PROPHECY WILL BE FULFILLED." They love that.
@tarashoe: i'd be extra scared if a break-in occurred while i was in the shower and the burglar saw me in there, fully clothed and eatin my soup