@cuntrystronggal: I'm sorry you got offended that one time you were treated the same way you treat everyone all the time.

@Thedudish: My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I'm clearing out my desk

@robfee: Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?

@SamGrittner: if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel

@krisv_723: Everyone on FB is posting the status- I voted. I guess it's truthful Tuesday so I posted- I once killed a hobo & hid his body in a barrel.