@PaulyPeligroso: You can't die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*

@bazecraze: Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm.

@EllDavey: I go in bars in a suit & tie, drink all night & write tweets down in a notebook. They're not quite sure if I'm the district manager or not.

@ShesARealGenius: On your first day in prison, make sure you go up to the warden and compliment the décor.

@antsimpson: "Look we LOVE the script for 'Murder Bees', just change the name to 'My Girl' and you've got yourself a movie!!"