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@DurtMcHurtt: Her: See ya later alligator!
Me: *slithers into swamp*
@clarkekant: One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever.
@montgomaryrock: Give a man a six pack and he'll drink for a day.
Give him a 24 pack and he'll drink for a day.
@bobvulfov: CIA DIRECTOR: if u take this deep undercover assignment, u will have to give up ur own name forever
STUART GIGGLEDICK: not an issue, sir
@freypalm: Parents: When you finish the chores will you please look for a job.
Me: [painting the cat's claws] Still a lot to do unfortunately.
@iGreenMonk: I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.
I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !