@lecalabara: Her: Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with? Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.
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@Kyle_Lippert: If you love something, let it go. Let it run until it reaches the invisible wall & the shock collar you attached to it's ankle cripples them
@Sassafrantz: "911, what's your emergency?" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.
@QuotingJokes: I love how the Ninja Turtles wear masks to hide their identity. It's not like you're a giant turtle or anything.
@salmarch79: Whenever my wife forces me to write my own message on a bday card, I write it on top of her's and copy exactly what she wrote.