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@A_Tribs: Her : You hang up first. nnMe : *click*
@trevso_electric: It's Election Eve, Not Election and Steve!
@JustDontBugMe: Me: My room is in shambles. Where do I start cleaning!?
Me: I need a new room.
@Rollinintheseat: Donald Trump always looks like he's trying to apply lip gloss in a rear view mirror.
@canadian_jane: This bar smells so bad and I can't tell who's homeless and who's a hipster.
@Michael_Erhart: "I love my Job!" -Job's wife