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@Breadery: Her: You're a pathological liar!
Me: ...and the King of Spain.
@jnrbtsn: If you open a door for me, I will lick you. Sometimes it's awkward.
@thetigersez: Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil.
@PimpleEye: I always carry cake, just in case someone pulls a knife on me.
@bobsaget: On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here.
@LeBearGirdle: Friend: just be yourself.
Me: Be myself? Be myself?!
Some of the most successful people I know aren't myself. That's horrible advice