@brian_bilston: Here is a poem for #NationalDrinkWineDay entitled "The Problem of Writing a Poem in the Shape of a Wine Glass".
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@OhHiAlyPie: "I just really need a good man to fill the hole" *100 men come running up "In my heart." *100 men run away
@Shock_Monster: Him: Sir, you don't have the experience or fitness to be a fireman. Me: But, I got a mustache! Him: That's cat fur attached with frosting.
@fuzzlime: Men fantasize about me, women want to be me and children obey me! [wakes up on bathroom rug]
@ZombieProblms: I bumped into a cute guy today. I clawed his face off. I should work on my people skills.