@brian_bilston: Here is a poem for #NationalDrinkWineDay entitled "The Problem of Writing a Poem in the Shape of a Wine Glass".
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@GlennyRodge: "My dog's learning to speak a foreign language." "Español?" "No, he's a labrador."
@tastefactory: *cop sees chalk outline on family's driveway* "Damn, a cute bunny was murdered" "No, the kids who live here drew that, the body's over here"
@Mr_Kapowski: "Welcome to Armageddon Welcome to Legageddon Welcome to Quadageddon" Me: *raises hand* Are you the only trainer available at the gym today?
@lecalabara: For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece.