@robfee: Here lies Aunt Brenda. Trampled to death on the day after Thanksgiving trying to save $18 on a crock pot. Rest in peace, sweet angel.
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@moooooog35: Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas. Neighbor: Nice. I got- Me: I know. I watched you guys open everything.
@causticbob: I was 14, my dad caught me drinking. 'Dad, that's the first time' 'That's a lie, no one ever gets caught the first time.' So I robbed a bank
@meladoodle: Hate it when dudes say "leave something to the imagination!" like what do you think is under my clothes? a mystery prize? a pumpkin? Obama?