@hollywood_95_69: Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
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@WilliamAder: Can't wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
@bombfunk75: Get your rock star name, like Axl Rose did, by selecting a car part and then a flower. Mine is Crankshaft Tulip
@thatdutchperson: [narrating a commercial for therapy] "For a 100 bucks an hour we'll blame your mother."
@T_N_Crumpets: Dentist: open Me: *opens* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: that's it, now come in and take a seat