@hollywood_95_69: Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Who are you and how did you get in here? Him: I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.
@DonQuickoats: If I had a piranha pond I might ask you to come over and take a close look at the lilypads
@AmericanGent69: *security rushes to the department store fitting room to break up a fight but just finds me trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans.
@rickkondell: I overheard two female coworkers say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.